Selective hearing

I'm learning a lot about three-year-old boys. Namely, that mine has a major hearing problem. 

It's not so much that he can't hear me. It's just that what he hears is often very different from what I actually said.

This morning, I sent him outside to play.

What I said: "Go have fun!"
What he heard: "Go get as filthy as possible!"

I noticed after a few minutes that the mud my children had chosen to have fun in was making them fairly wet fairly quickly. It was a nice day, but not so warm that you want to be soaking wet while you're trying to enjoy it.

What I said: "Why don't you drive your car around?"
What Caleb heard: "Why don't you paint your car with a thick layer of mud, using pine branches and your bare hands?"

This problem springs up fairly often, but at times it has its benefits. Sometimes it serves to help us bond with our neighbors when our kids play together. Just this week, Caleb was playing with the sandbox in the neighbor's driveway while the adults chatted and the big kids whizzed by on roller blades. I had reminded him before we headed out the door of a few key things that are important for a three-year-old to remember whenever we go outside to play.

What I said: "If you need to go potty, go potty. Don't get so busy playing that you have an accident."
What Caleb heard: "If you need to go potty, it's okay to pull your pants down in the neighbor's driveway and pee on their kids' sand. Daddy will clean it up."

It seems I still have a lot to learn.