Know when to walk away, know when to run

Parenting is a learning experience. A lot of parental education is formal, grounded in sound advice from other moms and books by supposed experts. But most of it is more like guerrilla warfare. You do what you have to, when you have to, to keep yourself and those around you alive to see another day. Some days, it's like living in a perpetual state of survival mode.

Today was one of those days.

We had everything necessary for a text book potty training experience. Delicious treats? Check. Big girl panties? Check. Singing potty chair? Check. Books to keep the potty trainee occupied? Check. I'd read Pottywise cover to cover, and reviewed the key points. Abby exhibited all the right signs of potty readiness. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but with some helpful advice from my friends and Drs. Ezzo and Bucknam, I was ready to dive in.

It took about thirty minutes for me to begin losing hope, and another eight hours for me to lose all motivation and give up entirely. Oh, Abby's ready all right. I, on the other hand, am not.

I was not prepared to chase a highly active 22 month old in big girl panties around the house waiting for her to pee. I was not prepared to spend my day in 15 minute increments, alternating between trying to keep her close to the potty and trying to keep her on the potty. I was not prepared to be peed on while racing my child's full bladder from the playroom to the bathroom. I was not prepared for just how exhausting potty training really is.

It was a long day, and to say it was frustrating is a bit of an understatement. But somewhere in the midst of the madness, I found a moment to open a book to the following passage:

"'All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be' (Psalm 139:16). 'Days ordained for me' refers not only to the length of my life but to all the events and circumstances of each day....when something happens that tends to frustrate me, I...say to God, 'This circumstance is part of Your plan for my life today. Help me to respond in faith and in a God-honoring way to Your providential will. And then please give me wisdom to know how to address the situation that tends to cause the frustration.'"

--Jerry Bridges, Respectable Sins

So the truth is, God is sovereign over every part of my life, including my failed attempts at potty training. He knew the details of this trying day long before potty training ever crossed my mind, and today He met me right where I was and showed me He was sufficient to get me through it. I spent a lot of time talking to Him today (pleading really) and as I resolved myself to the fact that we would not be succeeding this week, I realized something. It does not matter if we potty train today, or in a month, or in a year. What matters is that my daily activities, my attitudes, my priorities, and the way I interact with my family bring honor to my heavenly Father, and that they work together to point my children to Him, the only perfect parent.

If our parenting doesn't point our children to their need for Christ, no little successes along the way--pottywise or otherwise--will really matter.

Another victory for Duct tape

Oh sure, I could heat up some water in a big pot, lug it outside, pour it into the pool, and repeat the process 50 times until it was full. But what's the fun in that?

Instead, faced with the problem of two eager toddlers and not enough time to let the sun warm up the chilly water that comes out of the hose in the backyard, I came up with my own solution. It involved some hot water from the kitchen sink, an unused hose, about two feet of Duct tape and an open window. I'll count this as our craft for the day.

How to catch a butterfly

First, find a moth. They look just like butterflies, particularly to a 22-month-old. Hold out your hands, and be sure to greet it so it knows you're friendly. "Hi bubba-fwy" worked well for our bug.

Hold very, very still, and don't poke it when it starts to crawl up your arm. God made butterflies for us to look at, not to poke. Be sure to giggle when it tickles your hand. Moths--I mean butterflies--like making kids laugh.

When you're all done looking at your butterfly, tell it bye-bye, and let it go. It probably has other kids to go visit. Or clothes to go eat.

It takes a real man...

Before we got married, I had three requirements for a husband: he had to love the Lord, he had to love me, and one day, he had to love some kids.

Justin has met and exceeded my expectations. Seeing him hold our daughter for the first time almost two years ago gave me a glimpse at a side of him I'd never known was there. And watching him grow as a father has been an absolute joy. Loving each other is one thing, but there's a richness to our marriage that we never knew until we got to share a love for our children.

I can't wait until the day our kids can appreciate just what a blessing it is that not a day of their lives has passed without their dad and I praying for them and for their futures, and thanking God that we get to have them for a little while.

There are a few prayers that I will wait anxiously to see answered in my children's lives: for each of them, that they will come to know Christ as their Savior and that their lives would honor Him; for Abby, that she will one day find a man like the one I married to lead and love her; and for Caleb, that he would grow up to be that man for someone, and that he would follow in his dad's footsteps.

Happy Father's Day, Justin. Thanks for everything you are for this family!

An unlikely souvenir

There's plenty to do and see in our nation's capital, a lot of which we have done and seen in the past few days. There are dinosaurs to look at at the Natural History Museum, hot dogs to buy from street vendors, Peta activists to spar with, and plenty of walking to be done between monuments on a sunny day.

But there's also lots not to do when you're out and about in D.C. Most prohibited activities are pretty well advertised so that you know better than to walk through the Air and Space Museum with a fountain drink or stroll through the National Archives snapping pictures with the flash on. But there are some things they expect you to figure out on your own. And so, to spare you the diaper drama we've dealt with over the last two days, I'll give you a heads up.

If your kid is parched, do not, under any circumstances, allow her to dip her hand in the Reflecting Pool at the Lincoln Memorial and lick her fingers. That's how kids get parasites and bacteria. Unless you like collecting stool samples and riding around in a van with a bloated, tooting toddler, I suggest making sure your child is satiated before you let her lean over and look at her reflection in the dirty District water.

I like to think I'm doing my part to keep our pediatrician's life interesting. We don't visit the doctor often, but when we do, it seems there's always a pretty good story to go along with whatever the current crisis is. Whoever said being a stay-at-home mom is easy never met a toddler.

He's a pretty bad tipper

You know how hummingbirds sort of hover in one place but never actually hold still? How it looks like you could reach out and grab one, but the moment you tried, you know it would dart to one side or the other with those jerky little movements?

Now imagine that hummingbird has a full head of hair, and you need to give it a trim. Now you can picture what it's like to attempt to give a four month old a haircut.

Spike looks a lot better now that his long locks have been tamed a little. This is his fourth haircut since he was born, so I guess I should be getting pretty good at it by now. I still can't believe how much hair he has. Trimming it is not my favorite thing. I understand now why those children's salons charge so much. You try holding a pair of shears that close to a kid's head and see if your palms don't get a little sweaty.

Lunch box packed, shoes tied tight

Everything's easier with a buddy. The first day of school is no exception.

The Abbys are enrolled in a preschool-type Mother's Day Out program this summer, so we moms got to observe a class today to see how things would go. Abby Jean and Abby Mae were there to help each other through snack time, circle time, play time, music time and lunch time, and even enjoyed the carpool ride that brought them there and back.

(For our part, Rebecca and I learned why the makers of my van recommend you put the infant carseats in the center row. Putting them in the very back makes it impossible to load or unload the babies through the sliding doors. I've seen some moms do some pretty crazy things with kids and vans, but pulling two babies out through the hatchback probably takes the cake.)

There were plenty of adorable moments as the girls navigated a new world of sharing toys and sitting on chairs and participating in a group, but the spontaneous handholding topped them all. We noticed on the way there that the Abbys were holding hands as they sat side by side in their carseats. Later, when the teacher asked everyone in the class to find a buddy and hold hands to walk to music time, the girls found each other, clasped hands and didn't let go until it was time to navigate the steps (it seems you need two hands more than you need a friend for going down stairs). I expect their little brothers will be pretty good buds too when they get a little older--although I don't expect to see the little bruisers holding hands. Toy gun fights are a sign of affection too, right?

Why Starbucks has a kid's menu

The family of fish has a sort of unofficial custom for Saturday mornings. Caleb wakes up like clockwork at the same time every morning and his big sister follows about an hour or so later. We briefly debate whether or not Justin will have to slave over a hot stove to prepare a fancy breakfast for the family at my request, and proceed to sit down to a hot stack of fruity pancakes (if I win) or some snapping, cracking, popping bowls of cereal (if he wins). Caleb smiles and coos in his high chair while those of us with teeth eat real food, then it's off to the playroom for Curly and tummy time for Spike.

At little while later, Caleb goes down for a two-hour morning nap, leaving us with two sets of adult eyes and only one child to watch. Since most of my time and attention during the week is split between the two kids, I like to take this time on Saturdays to have a sort of girls' morning out with my darling daughter.

It really works in everyone's favor. With the baby asleep upstairs, Justin's only obligation while I'm gone is to not leave the house. What he does with this time is up to him (although I've been known to make some suggestions...), and he can rest assured that no baby will need tending and no girls will be there to pester him.

I get to spend some quality time with Abby, which has in the past few weeks included an introductory course in yard sale shopping, trips to the craft store for kid-friendly project supplies, a tour of the farmer's market, and always, without fail, a stop at Starbucks for a grande iced decaf three-pump mocha for mom and a kid's hot chocolate (with whip) for the kid. If she's good, I've been known to throw in a cookie.

Her indoctrination into the coffee culture is going well. So far she can successfully identify the Starbucks logo when we drive by, and acknowledges the smell wafting out of the coffee shop doors by flapping her arms and yelling "Cawkee! Cawkee!" This may be an indication that I need to consider cutting back a little.

Nah.

When it rains, it pours

It has been raining for far too long.

A friend called me at 8 o'clock one morning this week. As soon as I answered the phone, I heard, "It's awful, isn't it?"

I knew just what she was talking about. The forecast called for another cold, wet day. The kind of day that moms dread, when toddlers everywhere stand at the door yelling "Out! Out!" and cannot be deterred by mom's assurance that it is simply too yucky to go outside.

Abby has tried everything she can think of to convince me that it is, in fact, not too wet to go out and play. She's found every shoe in the house and lined them up by the back door. She's learned to put her own shoes on. She's learned that when I'm holding Caleb, I can't stop her from finding my shoes and putting them on my feet. She's pleaded for daddy when mommy tells her for the umpteenth time that we aren't going into the backyard. She's dragged Caleb's carseat into the kitchen and asked to get in the car. She's packed her own diaper bag, and brought me my keys. She's stared longingly out the playroom window and begged "Pool? Splash?"

But all this to no avail. Once, when it was only sprinkling, we took a short walk and found some shallow muddy puddles to jump in. But our recent weather is more than a sprinkle, and not conducive to 4-month-old babies and hyperactive toddlers.

So she's resolved to drive me slowly insane, chipping away at my resolve one misplaced toy at a time, by creating her own offensive indoor weather patterns. I cannot count the number of times we have stopped to clean up the playroom this week to make room for the next tropical storm Abby to roll through. I may never find all of the balls that are supposed to be in the ball pit. And poor Noah, it seems, will never return to his plastic ark.

I'm trying to stand my ground, because it is, in fact, too yucky to go outside. But I fear I'm fighting a losing battle. If she learns to open the door and let herself into the backyard, I'm afraid I won't have the will to stop her.

I see the sun beginning to poke through. Maybe there's hope after all.

I still do

Celebrating five years of marriage is an appropriate occasion to revisit the vows we made to each other on our wedding day. As I looked back over these, I realized I still have them committed to memory. And I still mean every word.

Happy anniversary to my very best friend. Thanks for five exciting years Justin!

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Our Marriage Vows

Justin:
Christina, today we stand before God and these witnesses and make public our commitment to one another. I recognize God’s authority over my life, which is exercised from His loving heart, and praise Him that He has chosen me to be one of His own. I praise Him also for choosing you for me, for I know that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)

Christina:
Justin, with greatest joy I come into my new life with you. I am blessed the Lord has chosen for me a trustworthy man, a righteous man who walks in his integrity. Besides the gift of salvation, you are the most precious gift God has given me. (Proverbs 20:6-7)

Justin:
Because God has said it is not good for the man to be alone, He has made a companion suitable for me. I will cleave to you and allow no other human relationship to come before you. (Genesis 2:18, 24)

Christina:
Today I will leave my father and mother and be joined to you. I offer myself completely to you, desiring with all my heart to be your helpmate and companion. (Genesis 2:24)

Justin:
I purpose to love you with God’s love, to provide for your needs through His blessing, to be faithful to you through His strength, and to lead you as He leads me, as long as He gives me life, regardless of circumstances. Christina, I look forward to establishing a home where Christ is glorified that we may serve Him with gladness and joy. I will love you sacrificially, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.

Christina:
Justin, I will be faithful to you and will continually serve Christ as my Lord so that I will be a trustworthy and loving wife. By God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit within me, I will serve and love you in all circumstances and submit to you as Christ submitted to the will of the Father, trusting that God will lead you according to His will, for as long as God gives us life on this earth. You are my beloved, and my desire is for you.

Justin:
Christina, just as God gives us a sign of His covenant with His children, so I give you this ring as the sign of the covenant I make to you.

With this ring, I thee wed.

Christina:
Justin, I give you this ring as an outward and visible sign of my covenant with you as we pledge to walk in the name of the Lord our God forever and ever. (Micah 4:5)

With this ring, I thee wed.

Justin:
May God keep us faithful and judge us if anything but death separates us.

Both:
You are now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

~06.05.04

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Summer Preparedness

She calls them her flops. And she's surprisingly skilled at walking in them (forward, not backward). And after this morning's pedicure session, Abby's all ready to meet some girlfriends at the pool and show off her summer shoes, and her cute blue toenails.

She noticed my toes as we were putting our shoes on this morning and pointed to them and said "Mommy blue!"

"Yep, those are mommy's blue toes," I replied. "Do you want to paint your toes?"

Squatting down to get closer, she took a minute to study her own bare toenails, then looked up at me and smiled. "Abby blue!" she said.

I took that as a yes.